I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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