True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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