She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
