somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
