4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Too much gin, very little bucket
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize