Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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