The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
