i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
