All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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