Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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