you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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