On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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