Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you win again, gameday.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
