I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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