Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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