the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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