he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
