you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My pussy is not your playground.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
