i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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