Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
