just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize