They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
