he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
