I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
