is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is wine microwaveable?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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