Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize