You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
