What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
