I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
foreskin is a definite game changer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
BRING THE BAGELS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
