its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
