I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
