sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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