When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
