I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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