I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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