She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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