so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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