Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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