Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
