I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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