I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
