and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
