He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
