Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
