I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
