You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
