I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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