My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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