I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
