when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
