I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
