i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
