hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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