all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
