I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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