Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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