A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FUCK WHALES
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