Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
