Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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