I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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