Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
