Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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