Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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