In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
